I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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