dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
