All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
