some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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