a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
