He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
