She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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