Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Randomize
