do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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