u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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