i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
