New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
