actually, I'm a sock model
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
