From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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