I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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