the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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