Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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