I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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