I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
