Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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