I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
there's paper in my vomit.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Randomize
