he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
