I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
