He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
