plz talk dirty to me
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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