booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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