Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize