Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
i've created a new STD.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
