There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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