with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
