So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
