She's JV to your varsity
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
