Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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