Kiss
Puke
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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