His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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