; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize