Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
