The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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