can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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