I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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