our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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