yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize