Grow some girl-balls and come out already
he thought i was a dude.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
