Can Purell be used as lube?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
