How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
