I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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