then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
We are all done wearing pants today
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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