Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Randomize