quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
