dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
