Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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