There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize