I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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