Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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