btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
