My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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