i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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