Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
