I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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