Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
